Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
