I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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