Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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