i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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