dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
