dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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