and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
