i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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