I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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