I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
