if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
