some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
