Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
