you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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