11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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