You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
