I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
