giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
