Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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