There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
