Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
