No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
