My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
