i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
