I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
