how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
