whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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