You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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