Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
