He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
