So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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