a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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