Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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