i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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