I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
