It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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