I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
not ubering you a puppy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
