I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
