I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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