I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
