By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize