i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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