Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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