I didn't shave. On purpose
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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