Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
