They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i want to swaddle you in tequila
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
