your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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