He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
