she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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