Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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