So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
