i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
3pm strippers are depressing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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