Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
