I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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