Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
