Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
