dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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