Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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