We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
