Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
