Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
4 words: hood of his car
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
