Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
