this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
