It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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