Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
