i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
