So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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