It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
