I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
