Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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