Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He felt like a one man threesome
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
